The hardest thing about dating ... is dating!

There are estimated to be 100,000,000 love songs ever written.  The reason is very likely that love constitutes what's in our souls, so we strive to find that perfect person to complete and fill the void since birth.  I have a single Aunt who just turned 60 and she has done well for herself without needing a man.  Does she want to find love?  Of course she does, but being old fashioned, there won't be sex without marriage, a noble virtue, long since forgotten since the 60's.  I have almost a similar view, but only I have to be in a relationship before I'll carry on with intimacy.  It doesn't mean I don't want to have sex with a number of unnamed guys around here, but I'm not going to be a notch on a bed post.  I have a little bit more respect for myself as well as a service to my kids to show them how to make the right decisions in every aspect of their lives especially when it comes to the ways of love.

As a woman, I would never have thought that women, like men, want and need sex without a relationship.  A woman is typically much more emotional and attaches quickly to a man she finds to be an ideal catch.  I respect a person's right to have fun and to get what they want, but that right there is a reason why so many men feel as though they can treat perfectly respectable girls like they are whores.  They even have a different language in which to prey and entice us.  Has a man ever told you that you and him have a "spiritual connection?"  That's one way to get a stupid girl in bed.  The next time I get this from a guy, he's going to get hog tied to the bed, butt ass naked, and watch me walk out the door and get a latte.

I am not a dating guru, but I'm learning quick how to deflect the wrong guys.  I'm an emotional son of a bitch, I put my heart on the outside of my chest when I like someone, and when I really like someone, I can't ever remember what he looked like if it's been days since I've seen him last.  I've been even known to stalk from a distance.  If he walks in at the bar, I run and hide in the bathroom or outside to smoke a cigarette until I can make sure I look presentable.  God forbid I have something in my teeth or a smudge of masscara on my eyelid.  Yeah, I'm one of those girls, I don't call it being a perfectionist, I call it overly protective of my self image.  But, why the fuck do I do that?  He's going to see me either a couple of different ways here, a fuck buddy for the night, a friend, a potential new girlfriend, or someone he didn't even notice when he walked in, so I might as well have been a nun.  The dating world is cold and callous and I just love it even more when people tell you to stop looking.  How the hell can you stop looking when it's all you think about?  The loneliness is palpable when you're a single mom or just a single.

I'll include some tips that I've learned around the way, so pay attention:

1) Don't sext and/or send nudie photos, you're giving into the type of girl he wants, and unless you want to be more then his girl for the night, just don't

2) Take it so slow that a snail just passed you.  If this guy is really worth your time, he'll take the time to get to know you

3) When you think you just read all the signs that he likes you, you're probably just behing hopeful. He asks about you, he texts you super early in the morning, he stares at you, he compliments you, don't read so much in between the lines on any of these.  Chances are he sees you as a slice of beef.

4) Warning!  He has a lot of girls that are friends.  The trust will be gone before it even begins.

5)  And finally, my best advice having a bar date, is not a real date, and if he comes back to your place after youve been to the bar, it's just about sex.

As negative as this blog is, there is truth in it, both from research and personal experience.  Take a stand if not for womankind, but for you.  You should always be the leading lady in your own life, you know what you want, go find it and don't settle for anything less then what you deserve.  Being alone sucks, not going to lie, but being with Mr. Wrong, will make you feel more alone.

Who stole all the sanity?

For those of you going through a rough time in your lives whether it be from a divorce or a break up, listen up.  When your obsession catches up with you, it's time to heave-hove!  When money is tight, you tighten up even more.  When you're dealing with a death, you live.  When you're going through a divorce you count your blessings because if the relationship got to that point, it wasn't perfect and something was lacking.  Even though you find out there were a million things wrong with you and you didn't even know it, the cosmic world is telling you there is something better fitted for you.  After I filed for divore, I went against the grain work and started dating someone that was the complete opposite of what I ordinarly go for.  I liked this person.  He was a manly man, with a serving of funny.  It was simple really.  Until I started projecting my habits from my old relationship onto my new relationship.  I felt needy and sometimes obsessive about how things were going.  I'd hang onto every conversation, every meeting like a good horder.  Then, there was nothing.  White noise.  Never a good sign.  Should I call him, or wait for him to call me?  Day 1 ... he must be busy ... Day 2 ... Really busy ... Day 3 ... wonder what I said this time? ... Day 4 ... I guess I'll bring out the angry chic music ... Enough to make a woman and her pumps walk straight to the looney farm.  The moral of the story kids rebound is an ugly word.  That being said, it is a necessary stage of coping with your new beginning.  Those mistakes you're suppose to make to learn something, that's the definition of a rebound.  Getting the rebound in basketball is a good thing, so why is a rebound after a relationship thought of as a bad thing?  Is it because it's just a temporary possession, much like the back and forth of a basketball?  Why do I always accuse myself of doing something wrong?  I liked the guy, was it a bad thing that I was open and honest about my feelings and wanted to talk to him everyday?  As you probably noted from now, this isn't exactly a blog for advice, more of a shared experience of what not to do and that you're not alone in making the same mistake.  Feel stupid, go to therapy, get some anti-depressents, but take care to move on quickly.  Haven't you wasted enough of your friends and your time obsessing?  I know I have.  Don't blame the guy so much, he might be a jerk (I'm sure every situation is different), but take the time to figure out why and how you got that way and fix it for your future.  Who knows?  He might call tonight but that would be my left side of my brain talking, showing that little glitter of hope that's suppose to be keeping my boobs from sagging. 

Family Summer Activities

This is a going to be a 4 part blog going through the various seasons of the year.  I've received some feedback on finding some summertime activities for single mothers with children while on a budget (thanx, Heather).  So, I put a little research into this and found a list of things to do with your kids.  The most popular suggestion being camping although the thought of camping for me is a terrifying notion not having ac and electricity to plug in my curlers, I've also found a modified version of camping I can deal with.  Pitching a tent in the back yard seems like a solid plan "B".  Read some books, eat, nap, get a badmitton net, BBQ...etc.  I'm going to speed this up and give you an itemized list so here goes: go to the park, go bowling, have a sleep over, have a movie night, board game night, a family garage sale (teach the kids how to barter and sell and count (we all know there are too many toys in the closet taking up precious space)), use the community pool or lake, snorkel, do a treasure hunt, picnic, scrapebook, hike, bike ride, write a story together, fingerpaint, play hide and seek or freeze tag.  I was walking with my friend Jen a few weeks ago and we happened to walk through the local cemetery and I thought what a wonderful learning experience if a person could bone up on their local history or even research certain time periods and look at the dates on tombstone and tell the kids what happened during those time periods or even walk around and find the oldest tombstone there.  The city hall may be able to help you with this project too.  My apologies for missing a blog yesterday.  I'll try and make it up to you :)  Enjoy!

Take care of you

The first few weekends without having your kids while going through a divorce can be an emotional roller coaster.  You wonder.. Are they okay? Are they being fed?  Are they wearing sunscreen? You can make yourself sick questioning what's happening when they are with your ex especially if you were the primary caregiver for many years and were there putting them to bed every night.  First and foremost you must remember to take care of you.  I typically use this time to pick up more shifts at work since I won't have to pay a babysitter to watch them, utilizing the available free time.  I also spend time on doing things that I neglected to do while I have the kids like giving myself a manicure/pedicure, plucking my eyebrows all that secret single behavior stuff that single people without kids can do after work or on the weekends.  You should pamper yourself. Go for a walk, do some grocery shopping, clean your house, watch your favorite shows or hell even read!  If you can't put all those questions out of your head, play your favorite music...LOUDLY! Find some other single friends and have a drink..or two :) Having a good circle of friends that know and understand what you are going through is helpful.  Trust their judgement and rely on them for a little while but don't be obsesent, remember they have lives too!  You've trusted your ex around your kids before, you shouldn't worry what's happening.  Once you are over the initial angry, bitter divorcee stage, you'll eventually find your rhythm.  It took me 3 weekends away from my kids to get to this point, but I got here.  I even purchased a book on how to meditate (mostly to try and quiet my inside voices).  Take this time to find you, reinvent yourself.  If you aren't happy, your children won't be, so take very good care of you!

How may I help you?

Hello Everyone!  This is my first blog, so expect a few kinks.  I am attempting to become an advice columnist for a newspaper and the suggestion is to start an online blog to see if I can get any followers. I'll admit I have quite the dramatic lifestyle, but I'm hoping I can put all that aside to give anyone who is willing to listen and needs advice about love, style, and family.  I have a B.S. in English and a minor in Anthropology.  My only experience with a newspaper is that I was in my high school journalmism class over 10 years ago!  It will be a challenge to keep my opinions to myself, but I will try.  I can share my life experiences with subjects such as, divorce (which I'm currently going through), love after divorce (which I'm currently also trying to find), hair and fashion, and having a young family with two children.  It is hard to juggle, work, children, and a social life and I can't make any promises that everyone can get a handle on it because we are all so complex, but if I can make things easier on you with words of encouragment, I will do my best.  I will now open the floor for any questions.  Feel free to give any feed back.  Thank You, Heidi